All artists are familiar with it. That feeling of dread, that terror that stops us from creating. Perhaps it’s boredom with a medium, or a feeling that you just aren’t good enough, so why bother. We all get stuck or distracted. Usually, I’d say be patient with yourself, and go with the flow.
But, how do you create when your heart is broken?
I am a very private person. I don’t do social media. I share my experience today to help those of you who are stuck, for whatever reason, or grieving in some way, to tell you that the only way out is through. And that is where the greatest tool you have in your arsenal is your creativity.
I lost my eldest sister in 1998, which was, in time, the event that fueled my desire to live every moment. My creative journey exploded, spurred forward by the fact that I didn’t want to waste a second of this precious life. Knitting, spinning, dyeing, weaving, crochet, sewing, painting, mixed media, watercolor, fiber arts, jewelry making, sculpting, gardening, cooking…in these things, I found comfort, I found self expression, I found a quiet place. All of which prepared me to teach that process of letting go and that child like approach to finding the very things that transformed my life and the lives of my students.
In September of this year, I got word that my youngest sister had passed away suddenly. My mother went into the hospital for a planned surgery a week later, which started a cascade of complications that she later passed away from. And everything stopped. How do you create when you can’t even make sense of how to keep breathing?
My way forward is to create to make the most of this life, to create to honor their lives, to create as I am the only one left to do so. It is my calling and it is my honor to make art that touches people, to help students find their own expression through art, and to make supplies for artists to use in those creations. These things fill my lungs with air, my heart with love, and my soul with hope.
Throw yourself into it, let the current carry you. The only way out is through.